


Stopgap

by Lywinis



Series: Lo(v)er - Carve it in the Bridge: A Reddie ficlet/one-shot listing [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Character Study, I had thinky thoughts about Richie and was threatened with bodily harm if I didn't post them, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23311801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lywinis/pseuds/Lywinis
Summary: stopgap stop·gap | \ˈstäp-ˌgap\ (noun): someone or something that is intended to be used for a short time and then replaced by someone or something better
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Series: Lo(v)er - Carve it in the Bridge: A Reddie ficlet/one-shot listing [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686373
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	Stopgap

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bearfeathers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearfeathers/gifts), [birkin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/birkin/gifts).



> 
>       
>     
>     
>     _I'm afraid of everything staying the same or worsening
>     So what's the point of finding calm when calm to me is unsettling
>     Settle down, little kid, your bones are shaking in your skin
>     Go and try and take a breath, though nothing more, nothing less_
>     
>     -- Hobo Johnson, "Typical Story"
>     
>     
>     

Richie's life before he returns to Derry is full of surrogates.

His world is built on surrogates of the Losers, without him realizing. He was looking to fill a hole in his soul left by amnesia and he doesn't know _**why**_ it isn't working, just that it isn't.

If he'd never come back to Derry, he might have actually snapped and had a breakdown and gone on a real bender. Likely, he thinks in hindsight, that's how Bev watches him die in the Deadlights.

They all do it to some degree. But for Richie, he didn't really know who he was without the Losers, because with the Losers, he could just be Richie. He didn't have to _**be**_ anyone. For everyone else, he has to hide those parts of himself, has to hold himself back.

His manager is similar in height, build, and demeanor to Eddie Kaspbrak, although not nearly as demanding because no one is as demanding as one Eddie Kaspbrak. But he needs that direction, that push and shove to keep his upward momentum, to stay centered with his eye on the prize.

The women he dated before he stopped lying to himself? All leaned toward redheads. They all were fearless and raw and alive; they all saw right through his bullshit and he ended up alone every time. For a brief, shining moment, though...

Richie gravitates to big brother figures as well, looking for Bill in them. He formed friendships with guys like Conan for that sort of mentorship in his career. He finds them, but none of them protect him, ready him for that life once the spotlight finds you and sears your soul right out of you. Bill would have warned him, or at least they would have been able to face it together.

The comedian he considers a rival? Mulaney. Disarmingly sarcastic, genuinely funny. Reminding him ever so sharply of another man he's missing, cutting him open and salting the wound. Whose wife could team up with Patricia Blum Uris and rule the world by Tuesday.

There's a bartender at his favorite bar, knows him by name and what he's drinking, and they sit and watch the game when it's slow and Richie tips him double every time—he looks just like Mikey in profile, though his reactions aren't the same, he holds different interests and it's like a mirror image, where everything is shifted a couple inches to the left.

There's a bigger guy that lives down the hall from him, built like a power lifter. Up until he saw Ben again, he probably thought that's what Ben would grow into. The guy is super sweet, very friendly, kind of shy and hides behind his mop of curly brown hair. Keeps a chameleon and Richie sees them going for walks a lot. The chameleon's name, Richie learns, is Maximus. But Charlie is not Ben Hanscom, and Richie wouldn't know how to ask him to be even if he could articulate the desire.

Over and over and over, Richie's failed relationships are him trying to reclaim the summer he met and made the very best friends he would ever have, and fill himself up with their love again. He is so empty and alone. He just can't do it without them.

So it's lucky that he gets them back.

He spends his life trying to force himself into a Trashmouth shaped box, only to meet up with the Losers again and realize that it's the other way around. Trashmouth is a piece of the puzzle, a tiny, tiny piece.

He is a million, million things. He's Bill's best friend, the one he met first, the one he dragged all over the Barrens, while they rolled the rest of them up. He's Bev's best man, giving her away at her wedding because she wanted to make him bawl like a baby. He's Ben's fiercest advocate for housing rights, pushing with him to build more so that people don't have to sleep on the street—because he did it while trying to break out. 

He's Stan's hype man, dragging him out and making him be social (and let's be real, Patty loves him for it). He's Mike's wingman, taking long trips with him just because they can and they're the most transient of the Losers. They visit the others, taking it slow, taking it easy. Mike shows Richie places he only ever read about or passed in a tour bus. He opens a world that Richie's been traveling since he left Derry at eighteen but never really managed to see until he left the second time.

He's Ben and Beverly's first choice for godfather. He swears it's because Bev loves to watch him get snotty, because when he holds that kid for the first time in hands he swears were always too much—too big, too broad, too clumsy—and his breath shakes in his lungs, he's sobbing like a child but he doesn't fucking drop her, he cradles her in his arms and realizes there's another person in his life he'd lay down and die for and it took less than five minutes for her to wrap a tiny hand around his heart and squeeze.

And Eddie? 

He has spent his whole life waiting to meet Eddie again. He never realized it but it was true because there was never anyone else for him. Eddie told him to fuck off and die when they were thirteen and Richie knew then that this kid was the person for him.

Eddie, with his foul-ass gremlin mouth and his expressive hands and eyes, his sly smiles and his sleep-messy hair. Richie would have stayed down in Neibolt with him if he'd told him he loved him. That's why Eddie joked with him before passing out. Because Eddie knows him like they've never been apart.

He does not leave Eddie down in the dark. Because if Eddie can be brave, Richie can be strong, and they haul every last one of the Losers out of Neibolt, take their licks and keep on coming, because that's what they've always done.

They're bent, some broken, but they're alive. And they'll be whole again.

They have each other.

Now that he has his center of gravity back, Richie feels like he can be himself. He's pushing through those blocks and moving on with his life, just like the rest of them. Tentatively, he comes out. The Losers heckle each and every scathing tweet, half of them ready to fight for him and the other half ready to be the tag-in.

Slowly, all those extra pieces slot into place.

He is queer. He is Richie. He is Trashmouth. They are things he is, parts of a whole. He is Loser and lover and brother and uncle. 

He is enough, by god, _finally_ , he is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I was bullied with lots of watergun emojis to clean this up and post it. Thanks, guys.


End file.
